“Filled with Wisdom” by Rev. Paul Berghout
Piety
Do not love the world or the things of the world. If
anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is
in the world, sensual lust, enticement for the eyes, and a pretentious life is
not from the Father but is from the world. Yet the world and its enticement are
passing away. But whoever does the will of God remains forever. 1 John
2:15-17
When they had fulfilled all the prescriptions of the law
of the Lord, they returned to Galilee to their own town of Nazareth. The child
grew and became strong, filled with wisdom; and the favor of God was upon him.
Luke 2:39-40
Study
The Sunday that follows Christmas is always the celebration
of the Feast of the Holy Family. After a time, the Holy Family returned and
lived in Nazareth, "so that what had been spoken through the prophets
might be fulfilled, he shall be called a Nazorean."
As we go through this week of Christmas, moving, even in
today’s world, is not easy and I can only imagine what it must have been like
for Mary and Joseph. The details of Matthew’s story are not lengthy, but trust,
love, and support (relational togetherness) must have been in full swing during
their move. What an excellent example for us on how to do this.
In the Bible, and among many of the Saints, family life was messy,
and this was the raw material that God’s grace used to form holy people. Yet,
for a holy and healthy family, there is a need to identify which of the
functional principals a family needs to counter any dysfunctional tendencies,
like the functional principle of Mealtime bonding with grace before meals.
Functional families also have a sense of humor with inside
jokes, favorite stories, anecdotes, shared memories, all of which delight and
reinforce a healthy bond. For example, a non-Catholic example of trying to
incorporate grace before meals comes from a female Jewish rabbi who said that
she discovered a family who every night at dinner would hold hands, close their
eyes, and pray in unison, "Let there be peace on earth and let it begin
with us."
Moved by this other family's nightly peace ritual, Rabbi
Fuchs told her husband and children at supper that evening to "Sit down
... quietly, don't jump up right away and get the ketchup," she said,
"we are now going to hold hands and pray."
The family was a little nervous about this new idea, but
they did as Rabbi Fuchs instructed. Next, as she puts it, in her "most
rabbinical voice," she declared that everyone was to find a place of peace
inside themselves. She recited the words of the prayer for peace, and waited,
as she says, "for the blessing to descend on the dining room."
And how did the family react? She writes, instead of a blessing,
"all hell broke loose."
The older child took "Let there be peace on
earth," and sang it out in a raucous voice. "The younger one began
whining because she wanted to get up and microwave her soup." Both of them
left the table, collided in the kitchen, started yelling at each other,
resulting in two crying, whining, hungry children, and a husband angry at
changing the dinner rules with no warning.
In turn, our mother/rabbi ended up crying too as her vision
of a peace-filled world, let alone a peaceful dinner, crumbled in the hands of
her own family. (Fuchs, 1996, pp. xvi-ii).
But Rabbi Fuchs says that later in the same evening, while
they were sitting around reading and relaxing, they discussed what had happened
at supper. She admitted to them that she had been bossy. She says that she had
been trying to "prepare, serve, and feed faith" to her children,
"like homemade, nutritious baby food." She goes on to say that she
realized she had been bossy not only with her family but with holiness itself.
The next thing that happened was a moment of grace. Her daughter pulled off an
imitation of her that got them all laughing about the whole affair. The rabbi
says of the laughter, "in that moment of laughter...we experienced
something larger than ourselves. I had read, prayed, and even preached that
'God forgives our sins,' but I didn't know that until I began forgiving my
children and they began forgiving me" (Fuchs, 1996, p. xvii).
She concluded with: “Who would have thought that out of the
mess of that evening meal there could have emerged such gold.”[i]
Although not explicit in the previous example, the story
ended with another principle of functional families: Apologizing as an
essential practice. The family will have conflict yet remain friendly and
trusting when the argument becomes history. We say and so things we regret, but
we quickly apologize, ask for, and receive forgiveness.
And, courtesy teaches children that the habit of saying
"please" or “thank you," “you’re welcome” or “I’m sorry” often
dispenses with explanations, defensive arguments, and misunderstandings.
A Catholic example of family prayer apart from grace before
meals comes from Tom Hoopes, who noted, like many of us know, that the rosary
stops a busy family in its tracks, quiets the world’s noise, gathers us
together, and focuses us on God and not ourselves. The practice of praying the
rosary together does wonders for a family psychologically and emotionally.
A final example comes from the Old Testament book of Judges
that presents Samson's relationship with Delilah and the disastrous results.
Among other things, one functional principal not practiced in this story is
accountability, whereby each family member tells the others of their intended
destinations, expected activities, time of return, and how to reach them, which
fosters trust and helps eliminate worry.
By the way, family disintegration is a theme in the book of
Judges. The book depicts the progressive fragmentation of households to teach
certain lessons as only Bible stories can.
Many of us already know what happened:
After going to a Philistine city and seeing a Philistine
woman, Samson returned to his parents and told them to "get her for me as
a wife" (14:1-2). His parents objected, asking whether there was not
someone among their people he could pick rather than "a wife from the
uncircumcised Philistines" (v. 3). They knew that intermarriage was not
permitted in Israel (Deut. 7:1-3), and they are to be faulted for not standing
firm.
Nor do they say, the LORD has called you to a special
Nazarite status within Israel. The LORD'S agenda is for you to deliver us from
the Philistine oppression, not to marry them (13:5). All this remains unsaid.
To Samson's parents, his proposition to marry Delilah is simply a cultural and
ethnic issue. Nothing more.
They sinned by following through with Samson’s demand and by
reminding him of his calling. Deuteronomy 7:3-4 instructs parents not to give
their children in marriage to the nations in the land, and Manoah and his wife
failed by going ahead to begin the work with the arrangements for the wedding
of Samson and Delilah even though Samson and Delilah are not married yet but
having sinful relations.
This story also teaches a lesson on just some of the bad
consequences of premarital sex or fornication.
Today, psychology tells us that on a biological level, sex
contributes to hormonal changes at a biochemical level similar to the bonding
between a mother and a baby. However, one of the negative consequences of
premarital sex is that this kind of mortal sin can increase insecurity and make
worse any insecure attachment in the family of origin to the point where the
person has great difficulty in discerning and thinking clearly about whether
the person, he or she is involved with, would make a suitable marriage partner.
Like Sampson, the cloud of fornication often lands a future relationship and
marriage in disaster.
The story of Samson and Delilah ended in betrayal and
tragedy for Samson, even though the Scriptures say the Lord used the event to
confront the Philistines who in the end, were vanquished.
The account of Samson and Delilah also exemplifies the
concept of divine discipline as an impetus for introspection by God’s people by
dissociating themselves from the dysfunction of sin by repentance.
Action
The smallest embodiment of the church is not the parish
community or any other community or village, but the family as the domestic
church (Vatican II, LG. 11). The very origin of the family is of divine decree.
As Pope Pius XI declared: "the sacred partnership of true marriage is
constituted both by the will of God and the will of man" (Casti Connubii).
One part about the Holy Family that I especially love is the
continued hardships that Jesus, Mary, and Joseph had to endure. Sometimes it
seems that the stress of parenting and family life can be overwhelming. Mary
and Joseph had more than their share of parental stress. However, I also
imagine that they were continually open to receiving strength from the Holy
Spirit. This part of the story helps me understand that parenting isn’t easy
for anyone and that a pivotal piece to good parenting is allowing ourselves to
be open and available to receive the Holy Spirit.
One of the most persuasive messages coming from Matthew’s
Sunday gospel for the Christmas season is the importance of family whether in Nazareth or Arlington, Virginia. Regardless
of what the family structure looks like, the characteristics of trust, love,
and support are necessary for any family – and this is what the holy family
demonstrated in Sunday’s gospel.
It’s not too late to incorporate some functional principals
to make marriage and family life wholly family [with a “W”] and a holy family
[with an “H”].
Amen.
[i]
Source: Entangled in Mystery: History and Hopes for The Center for
Congregations and Family Ministries by J. BRADLEY WIGGER
