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| Conscience, Judas (1891), Nikolaj Nikolajewitsch Ge, Tretyakov Gallery, Moscow, Public Domain, Wikimedia Commons |
“Surely, It Is Not I, Lord?” by Colleen O’Sullivan
The Lord
God has given me a well-trained tongue, that I might know how to speak to the
weary a word that will rouse them. Morning after morning he opens my ear that I
may hear, And I have not rebelled, have not turned back. I gave my back to
those who beat me, my cheeks to those who plucked my beard; my face I did not
shield from buffets and spitting. (Isaiah
50:4-6)
When it was
evening, he reclined at table with the Twelve.
And while they were eating, he said, "Amen, I say to you, one of
you will betray me." Deeply
distressed at this, they began to say to him one after another, "Surely it
is not I, Lord?" (Matthew 26:20-22)
Piety
Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from
evil, we pray.
Study
When you picture Judas, what image comes to
mind? Someone greedy? Someone shadowy and sinister in appearance? Maybe he looks like he belongs to the
criminal element of his day? The truth
is Judas probably looked no different from anyone else. A group selfie taken that evening in the
Upper Room would not have shown him standing out from the crowd. The fact is that we all resemble Judas. We are human, and some days we look better
than others. Those are the days on which
we manage to be faithful to the One we call Lord. Other days, we would just as soon not appear
in a photo, because we know we are not at our best. We have sinned and turned away from the One
who loves us like no other. Even the
best of us go off-track at times.
We tend to think of Judas as the worst person who
ever lived, but he must have had some good qualities; otherwise, Jesus would
never have invited him to be one of the Twelve.
Again, Judas looks no different from you or me. We have days when we follow God’s will and
are kind to our brothers and sisters and others when we are betrayers. Jesus certainly knew which of his friends
would betray him, but they were, nevertheless, his friends. He loved every one of them. He washed and dried Judas’ feet just like he
did everybody else’s in his inner circle.
The one thing we do not want to do is be like Judas
in how he dealt with his sin. God loves
us, and no matter how far we ever stray, we can always ask for God’s mercy and forgiveness. Judas got so caught up in the enormity of his
betrayal that he lost all perspective. I cannot imagine the agony of regret and
sorrow Judas must have experienced.
However, he forgot the most important thing. He forgot about the forgiveness that can be
ours just for the asking. The only cost
is our sincere penitence and remorse.
Judas discovered he couldn’t give the coins back; they wouldn’t take
them. He couldn’t turn the clock back
and undo the kiss. He couldn’t convince
anyone to reverse the whole plan to try to execute his friend. What power had he unleashed? What had he done?
He thought his betrayal was unforgivable, and he
couldn’t live with that. To put an end
to his inner torment; he hanged himself.
He ran away from the possibility of forgiveness. And that, to me, is the saddest part of his
story. Jesus forgave Peter. Jesus would have forgiven Judas as well. But Judas left this world before Jesus ever
had a chance to talk with him again.
Action
It is telling that when Jesus says one of those
seated at the Passover table will betray him, everyone immediately assumes the
Lord is talking about him. We know
ourselves so well. We want to be good
friends to the Lord, but other loyalties get in the way. We are so easily led astray. Maybe the disciples feel guilty about things they
have said behind Jesus’ back, such as arguing over who would sit next to him in
seats of honor in his Kingdom. Or the
day Peter voiced the horror in each disciple’s heart at the thought that Jesus would
suffer and die. These were the same
disciples who would have let the crowd of 5,000 go home hungry and who
attempted to keep infants and children away from Jesus. The bottom line is that
we are all sinners. We betray Jesus in a
thousand different ways.
Remember, however, what Judas forgot. This God we pray to is full of compassion,
mercy, and forgiveness. God wants to
forgive our sins, so never be afraid to confess them.
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