“Persistent Waiting!” by Wayne Miller
“…but in the end, he has glorified the seaward
road, the land west of the Jordan, the District of the Gentiles.… The people
who walked in darkness / have seen a great light…” (Isiah 8:23-9:3)
“The Lord is my light and my salvation. I
believe that I shall see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage; be stouthearted and wait for
the Lord.” (Psalm
27: 1, 4, 13-14)
“I urge you…in the name of our Lord
Jesus Christ, that all of you agree in what you say, and that there be no
divisions among you, but that you be united in the same mind and in the same
purpose.”
(Corinthians 1:10-13, 17)
… Jesus
began to preach and say, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.” Matthew 4:12-23
Piety
Father God, teach me to know You and live Your Love in my
helplessness. Give me the eyes to see, ears to hear, and heart to understand Your
ineffable Presence and Love in every moment of my life. Help me to live Your Being, especially when I
am obsessed with my Doing.
Study
Isaiah
prophesized that “the people who walked in darkness would see a great
light.” The Psalmist promises that “I shall see the bounty of the Lord in
the land of the living,” and counsels that I must “Wait for
the Lord with courage; be stouthearted and wait for the Lord.”
St. Paul urged “in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ…all agree in what they
say, and that there be no divisions among us, but be united in the same mind
and purpose.” And Jesus preached, “The kingdom of heaven is at hand.”
With
all that Good News shouting in my heart, why can’t I hold a civil conversation
with my grown son without being challenged and ridiculed at every turn about my
beliefs and ethics? I know that I am in good company. Jesus was verbally and
physically abused much worse and yet maintained a living presence of the Peace
that is the kingdom of heaven on this earth. Shouldn’t I be able to do the same
with just one angry man?
Last
month, I quoted Dorothy Day, who said: “We only love God as much as we love the
most unlovable person in our life.” And I believe and have tried to live it for
much of my life. But I want to apologize this month for my sanctimonious
preaching. I am in a desert right now, watching the son that I love – a tangled
bundle of a beautiful delighted child, hard-working adolescent, innovative,
successful adult, and bitter victim of a broken marriage – utterly reject any
attempt at counsel or encouragement or love.
Is
the Kingdom of Heaven really at hand? Here? Now? What can I do in this
heart-wrenching food fight that will bring spirit and joy to so much sadness?
Friends
have tried for years to help me learn and practice Contemplation, but my mind
was always busy, insisting on Doing something, Seeing something, Saying
something. And they just said that if I “got” anything out of a session, I
wasn’t doing it right.
In
my desperation of late, I have discovered peace beyond my understanding, just
sitting and staring into utter emptiness. No flashes of revelation. No “Aha”
moments. And yet, as I sit without thinking or solving or reflecting, I have
discovered an unerring certainty that, in my complete helplessness, I am safe
and enveloped in the Loving Grace of Our Father. I have no earthly idea where
this is leading, but I am loved, and I AM is at my side. Nothing else matters.
Action
I’m
heading back into the fray. “Make a Friend, Be a Friend, and Bring
Christ to my Friend” has a whole new meaning. I need your prayers to be a
true, loving, listening presence to this son who is dealing with so much
emotional pain. I need your prayers to hold fast to the belief that God is
holding him securely and that they will work out the next step in his life;
that he will walk out of the darkness and into the Light and know the joy of
the Kingdom of Heaven.
And
if none of that happens on my timetable, I need your prayers to help me hold fast
to Our Lord in the emptiness.
De
Colores!
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