Sunday, January 26, 2020

“Persistent Waiting!” by Wayne Miller


“Persistent Waiting!” by Wayne Miller


 “…but in the end, he has glorified the seaward road, the land west of the Jordan, the District of the Gentiles.… The people who walked in darkness / have seen a great light…” (Isiah 8:23-9:3)

 “The Lord is my light and my salvation. I believe that I shall see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord with courage; be stouthearted and wait for the Lord.” (Psalm 27: 1, 4, 13-14)

 “I urge you…in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree in what you say, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be united in the same mind and in the same purpose.” (Corinthians 1:10-13, 17)

… Jesus began to preach and say, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.” Matthew 4:12-23

Piety
Father God, teach me to know You and live Your Love in my helplessness. Give me the eyes to see, ears to hear, and heart to understand Your ineffable Presence and Love in every moment of my life.  Help me to live Your Being, especially when I am obsessed with my Doing.

Study
Isaiah prophesized that “the people who walked in darkness would see a great light.” The Psalmist promises that “I shall see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living,” and counsels that I must “Wait for the Lord with courage; be stouthearted and wait for the Lord.” St. Paul urged “in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ…all agree in what they say, and that there be no divisions among us, but be united in the same mind and purpose.” And Jesus preached, “The kingdom of heaven is at hand.”

With all that Good News shouting in my heart, why can’t I hold a civil conversation with my grown son without being challenged and ridiculed at every turn about my beliefs and ethics? I know that I am in good company. Jesus was verbally and physically abused much worse and yet maintained a living presence of the Peace that is the kingdom of heaven on this earth. Shouldn’t I be able to do the same with just one angry man?

Last month, I quoted Dorothy Day, who said: “We only love God as much as we love the most unlovable person in our life.” And I believe and have tried to live it for much of my life. But I want to apologize this month for my sanctimonious preaching. I am in a desert right now, watching the son that I love – a tangled bundle of a beautiful delighted child, hard-working adolescent, innovative, successful adult, and bitter victim of a broken marriage – utterly reject any attempt at counsel or encouragement or love.

Is the Kingdom of Heaven really at hand? Here? Now? What can I do in this heart-wrenching food fight that will bring spirit and joy to so much sadness?

Friends have tried for years to help me learn and practice Contemplation, but my mind was always busy, insisting on Doing something, Seeing something, Saying something. And they just said that if I “got” anything out of a session, I wasn’t doing it right.

In my desperation of late, I have discovered peace beyond my understanding, just sitting and staring into utter emptiness. No flashes of revelation. No “Aha” moments. And yet, as I sit without thinking or solving or reflecting, I have discovered an unerring certainty that, in my complete helplessness, I am safe and enveloped in the Loving Grace of Our Father. I have no earthly idea where this is leading, but I am loved, and I AM is at my side. Nothing else matters.

Action
I’m heading back into the fray. “Make a Friend, Be a Friend, and Bring Christ to my Friend” has a whole new meaning. I need your prayers to be a true, loving, listening presence to this son who is dealing with so much emotional pain. I need your prayers to hold fast to the belief that God is holding him securely and that they will work out the next step in his life; that he will walk out of the darkness and into the Light and know the joy of the Kingdom of Heaven.

And if none of that happens on my timetable, I need your prayers to help me hold fast to Our Lord in the emptiness.

De Colores!

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